Tuesday, November 18, 2008


My life is and has always been an open book, till I finally decided to temporarily close it. I believe that I should wait for the proper timing to have it opened again. When will it be? In His time... – I’m keeping this faith, if He says so; nobody can avert it.

I also believe that He has given me a lot of chances to further do good, to finally choose the right thing even in the hardest way. Why? It’s because and I must admit that I am but a sinner. And for now, I just have to get going while it gets tough. And when it gets even tougher, He Has not failed providing me the strength I need – I need to continuously strive for our future (me and macoi) and to stay focus while others try to distract and disturb me.

I am very grateful that my prayers are almost granted though I sometimes and always fail to talk to Him.

After I’ve been through and while still trying to cope up from everyday challenges, I have proven to myself whom my friends are. And now I’ve learned not to build a sky-scraper of friends when eventually it is expected to fall down. I’d rather have a miniature tower of it while it is believed to stand until the end. I’ve also learned that happiness does not instigate from deafening laughter as laughter sometimes portray pretentious actions.

I may not and has never been that happy as what people know of me, but I may say that I have somehow reached a certain level of fulfillment in my life. Despite the pain, hardships, sufferings and other cases alike that I have encountered.

Bitter? Yes, maybe I am and now I know that it is caused by my impulsive character. I should have waited. I should have prayed harder for it. But this time I have to let go. And now I have learned to let go of things I have no control with, things that are not mine and especially those that I can’t possess to be mine.

Hurt? I think so. Still I am. Until this very moment I feel a pinch of it… as if a tiny spike struck deep within me.

When it will stop? That, I don’t know… In His time… as time heals all wounds they say…

I guess, when I’m ready and when given the chance to re-open the book of my life.

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